#138 His Bodacious Gifts
Once upon a time, I was seventy pounds overweight. When I say my BMI was high, I’m not
talking about the big mammoth iguana* I bought in Colorado that seemingly had no ambition.
I’m talking about keg belly, stretching size 36 briefs into 48’s, and hoping to convince the
world to accept sweatpants as the new thing to wear to work, parties, funerals, weddings,
jury duty, and the dentist. Did I mention my man boobs? Oh, yes, I had them. They were
small, but just big enough to make chaffing a problem due to flipping, flopping, bipping,
and bopping. Throughout my puffy period, I was lucky enough to meet women who didn’t care
about my ample bosom. They enjoyed my company despite my jiggles and overhangs. I will be
eternally grateful to them.
* I like when I can describe a present day animal with an extinct one.
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